Jogging back to memory lane

... nothing really changed since the last post I wrote on here. I am still in the 180 lbs... miserable and struggling physically. I am turning 40 this year and I honestly don't know what else I would do but really start small and put an effort in getting back on track. 

I don't remember when I decided to give up on myself. The moment when I made the decision to stop caring and just get by.

Yikes. Pretty pathetic. 

I stumbled upon this old blog in serendipity. Maybe it was my old self calling out to me in her last attempt. 

I am just so sick of being fat. High blood pressure. High cholesterol. Prediabetic. Low energy. Hating myself every time I look in the mirror if I even look at the mirror.

I haven't really. I avoid it because I know who will be staring at me. The person I really have no interest to be. 

There were many times I tried to get back in the saddle. Something happens then I give up. I get tempted with things I want to eat at that moment. And give up.

How can someone want it and not do the work at the same time? I am in denial