Feeling Good

How do you celebrate new beginnings? Do you even celebrate at all? Do you just go along with the day with a sort of nonchalance or do you meet it with head on with a purpose. I started off with sort of figuring out the plan. I had made countless plans in my lifetime. Some I choose to follow and others well fell off the face of the planet. 

I thought to start with what kind of healthy foods I will stick with and actually follow. I made list of vegetables, fruit, protein and fats. I had done lazy keto and intermittent fasting before and it worked pretty well with exercise. So I think I am going to do that. 

Hubby and I are working on baby # 2 and had been ttc (trying to conceive) for a year now. Yep geriatric ... errr.. advance maternal pregnancy. My cut off age is 40 and I have 5 more cycles. 

Actually this last cycle I got pregnant. I was beyond excited since this is the first positive we've had for trying a year. But I end up having a chemical pregnancy and I know why. Because I am fat.

I am not going to be obsessive about it. I am just going to work on losing the lbs. and go from there.  My work schedule is a lot easier since I am working days now. 

Cheers to goals. 

Jogging back to memory lane

... nothing really changed since the last post I wrote on here. I am still in the 180 lbs... miserable and struggling physically. I am turning 40 this year and I honestly don't know what else I would do but really start small and put an effort in getting back on track. 

I don't remember when I decided to give up on myself. The moment when I made the decision to stop caring and just get by.

Yikes. Pretty pathetic. 

I stumbled upon this old blog in serendipity. Maybe it was my old self calling out to me in her last attempt. 

I am just so sick of being fat. High blood pressure. High cholesterol. Prediabetic. Low energy. Hating myself every time I look in the mirror if I even look at the mirror.

I haven't really. I avoid it because I know who will be staring at me. The person I really have no interest to be. 

There were many times I tried to get back in the saddle. Something happens then I give up. I get tempted with things I want to eat at that moment. And give up.

How can someone want it and not do the work at the same time? I am in denial 

Ummm... hello?

It has been awhile... Shoot! It has been a million years since I visited and updated this blog. I don't even know if all my online friends are still updating their blogs.

Well 2 years and 80 lbs weight gain later. I am back. Turning a new page in life after nursing school, getting my RN license and having a baby... who is now a rambunctious 2 year old.

Ahh... life has been good to us. But not on my waistline. So I am back to document my 2nd journey to sexiness haha... or should I say to being healthy. I have a little one to worry about now and to model good lifestyle for.  So here are some updates (if anyone who read this cares haha) just for the sake of putting the chapters of my life together.

1.   Been an RN for 3 years now and been promoted to Charge Nurse at the hospital I work in. It is not as prestigious as one would think. It's hard work and really stressful. I work nights which I enjoy (for now) since it gives me more time with my son. I don't charge often but on shifts that I do. It definitely takes toll physically.

2.  I am back to my pregnancy weight 182 lbs. I am still wearing my pregnancy scrubs! Which is sooooooooo sad.

3.  Weight has always been a struggle isn't it? It goes up and down and up and down and circle all around :/

Anyway, I will make it a point to update and jot down my thoughts and struggles here this time around


See y'all :)

Coffee and Stitches

Since I'm 5 weeks postop I still can't do much as far as my usual activity level (which I must confess I miss) I actually enjoy working out which I think the easiest part in the weight loss duo of nutrition and exercise. I am being conservative because despite how great (pain free) I feel, the last thing I need is for this thing to dehisce -- no bueno

Today's food report consist of coffee and left over chicken alfredo pasta and ended with Hawaiian bread/cream cheese. Not very proud of it. But I am confident I'll get better for the coming weeks.

My goal is to lose 10 lbs by the end of November. I figured keep it simple and doable (I think -- haha)

I saw this post and thought what a great idea to start this journey (again) :)

But I'm going to tweak it a bit.

A Month Without :

November = Going out to eat
December = Soda/Artificial Juices
January = Bread/white rice
February = Candy/Chocolate
March = All sweets
June = Chips/Salty snacks
July = Prepackaged foods

My goal is to build upon these challenges and eventually going all natural by the end of it all.

I am currently 166 lbs and long term goal is to get down to 125-130s by Summer and definitely having a complete food/health makeover by that time.

So what are you giving up this month for your health/weight loss goal?

Expecting the Unexpected

I just wanted to drop in and see how's everyone doing in the blogging world. I haven't been in here in awhile. So figured to see what everyone's been up to and give a little update.

Work is work and although it is not the unit I'd like to be in forever---it is a start so I'm looking at it at that angle. I like to think Im the best thing that ever happen in the field of nursing LOL but in reality I'm just a new grad that don't know anything. So this is the time to suck it up.. build my skills and keep eye on the prize aka "ideal job".

I'm also going back to school and get my BSN.  this should be fun haha *insert sarcasm here* Going back to school was the last thing I want to do but its a way to better myself and my career -- so I'm all for it!

And lastly I am expecting.. 6 weeks :) Who would have thought I'm this fertile after stress from nursing school? LOL Everyone is excited cuz it's our first.

I should have kept quiet but I'm getting all excited about it

I hope everyone is having a great week!

It has been a while!

Time has definitely went by quick since the last time I made an entry on this blog. I realized that it the chaos and being super busy never stop after nursing school. I am finally working and I LOVE.. Absolutely LOVE being a Nurse :) I love my patients -- nice, ones, grumpy ones, and scary ones a like haha.

I don't know for some reason I get reports about patients that are supposedly mean and scary but they're nice and pleasant to me. So I'm not sure what to say about that, other than people --- in general will respond to the types of energy you give them and so far that has worked with me *fingers crossed*

Anyway, I haven't been working out or eating any different since I started my journey as a tax payer LOL. But I tell you -- being on your feet for 12 hours day, running around and rarely getting the chance to sit down sure pays off!!

I lost 10 lbs since working I honestly did not think I'll ever got over that 173-170 lbs hump I've been on since --- FOREVER!  haha

Anyway I am 163 lbs. Haha you would think stress would make you fat. I know cuz that's how it was being in school. But not working apparently.

Maybe it's all a fluke -- but I'll take it! <3

I haven't gotten the chance to keep up with my favorite blogs and I sure hope everything is having a good holiday season!

Okra chips anyone?

I was at the natural health food store this morning and picked up some snackies for me this week. I came across the okra chips. I figured what's the harm in trying it -- I had sampled the kale chips and loved it very much.

I was... interesting. LOL

I can get used to it --- I think. :)


How open are you trying different foods if it means it's health and good for you?

Guess Who Has A Job!!!

Me! Me! Me!

I got my first interview yesterday at a hospital. I was actually a bit nervous so I was giving myself the peptalk the whole time.

"Just be yourself."

"If don't get the job then think of it as practice for others interviews that will come along."

I arrived 30 minutes earlier just to give my interviewer time to wrap up whatever she was doing at that time.

I immediately clicked with my nurse manager -- she was really friendly and nice. I don't know I felt really comfortable with her and I think she was too. Chemistry was really good. I was interviewed by 2 people -- one of them was the nursing manager for the unit I applied for and the other one was the Director of Nursing. The DON was a lot more serious haha and actually she kind of got me a little nervous at first

I was asked a lot of professional, situations, behavioral, and clinical questions. Call me a nerd but I brushed up on my Professional book days before the interview just so I feel more prepared. Heck! I busted out my clinical skills book too just in case they ask me about anything that pertains to what I 've done in the past. But most of the stuff I reviewed were subjects that pertain to the unit that I applied for.

Anyway, towards the end I had lunch with the T and when I was driving home I received the call from them and they offered me the job! Haha how cool is that! :))

I still need to pass background check and my nurse manager told me that I'll be working day shift and she hopes that I start by early-mid October

Surreal!!!!!!!!!

I'm feeling a little weird because I really want to do well in my job and I'm anxious and excited at the same time.

But I guess I don't want to go all out and celebrate because I still need to get my offer letter but I just had to share my excitement :)

Woooo!

Banana "Pancake"

Ingredients:
1 egg
1 ripe banana
handful of raw almonds

• Mash banana and beat egg with it
• melt just a little bit of butter ** optional but it made it a whole lot of difference in taste (in my opinion)
• Cook it like a pancake
• Garnish with almonds

Review:

I'm actually very surprised with this recipe because I didn't think it would taste good and it sure it. But the awesome part of it is that it has lots of protein but less on the "bad" carbs that comes with regular pancakes. I like it! and would make it again when I'm craving pancakes

My only suggestion is probably make the size of the pancake smaller in order to flip it over the pan easier. The whole mixture is soggy and since there's no flour to bind it together better there's high risk of your pancake falling apart.

****************************************
Haha I've been behind with my 30 Day Weightloss Challenge questions. I've been somewhat busy (I know right? even after nursing school -- there's never a nonbusy day). What I'm doing is mostly applying to several places all day but each application is so long and tedious that it usually takes me the whole morning and parts of the afternoon.

By the time I finish I had to go to the gym and by then the Mister comes home and we hang out the rest of the night.

So anyway here goes the question:  Why am I losing weight? And Do any one in my life know that I'm trying to lose weight. (This is 2 day questions)

I am losing weight because I want to look good and be healthy. It's a simple as that. I'm not trying to impress anyone other than myself. It is also due to health reasons. My mom started on Procardia in her middle 30s.. I honestly don't want to fall into that. Hypertension and stroke ran in my family. At least I know if I am in better shape that I can somewhat beat the odds and live a little longer.

Also the hubs and I are planning to have kids in the near future so I want to be physically healthy to take on that tasks. It's crazy how much stress a woman has to go through bringing a child to the world --- literally and figuratively speaking!

Damnit! I'm still losing hair! It's thinning so much I'm freaking out. I still haven't figured out but I'm betting on low thyroid levels. I have a doctor's appointment soon so hopefully the labs will give a clue to what's the deal.

And yes, T knows I'm trying to lose weight. Although he always tell me that he has heard about this for years now and he has yet to see anything. LOL I know right? so much for support But I honestly don't let it get to me. Life happens and if its a 3 year plan or 10 year weightloss plan so be it. What matters is that I'm not giving up and I'm making and implementing changes.

Have a great week all! I'm off to enjoy my "pancake"! Cheers!

Let's Go to the Job Fair!!

It was actually a last minute thing. My BNB (best nursing buddy haha.) asked me if I wanted to come so I'm like suuuurrreee....

It was at least 99 degrees outside that day. And I was wearing a freaking suit. By the end of it all, I was sweating behind all the places I did not existed (like behind my knees).

After a couple of hours I limped back to my car (my shoes were killing me).

So the job fair was advertised at one of the "largest" held in my area... ahh.. no.

There was one healthcare related company and they're only asking for volunteers.

yay.

Anyway the good thing about it all was when my BNB and I went to Marie Callender's afterwards and had pie (to smooth our bruised, disappointed hearts.. no doubt)

Can you tell I went off the diet --- so readily I might add.

Hopefully there would be more opportunities in the future. We were joking around about opening our own facility and hire all new grads.. with that we would all have jobs haha.

Anyway that's my bitch and grip for the day :-3

Okay! onto weight loss Day 4! The question was: what is my greatest fear in weightloss.
I suppose my greatest fear is becoming so smoking hot and getting into a lot of debt because I will be spending a lot of money shopping every chance I get because well.. now clothes will fit me so much better and I'll be totally cute right? haha

But seriously.. It's not much of fear but more of being out of the comfort zone. It means I have to constantly watch my diet.. I have to constantly have to exercise and honestly it takes too much effort and too much energy to actually lose weight. There. I've said. I'm plain old lazy.

I like not having to think about what I'm eating all the freaking time.

Really...isn't that what we all must do (initially anyway) to jumpstart weightloss? Is to watch your portions.. watch the type you shove in your mouth?

Wow I never realize how therapeutic this is.

Okay so how about doing a lifestyle change. Been there done that.

I guess the whole point of this all is do what works for you. In my case, it's probably a slow and steady process and eating the right stuff gradually.

My biggest challenge is probably portion and the choices I make. I am an notorious emotional eater.

What about you what is your hang-ups or fear when it comes to losing weight?

Pleasantly Suprised

I just wanted to say thank to you to everyone who has been following my journey from nursing school till now :) Quite honestly it feels really good knowing that someone actually reads the stuff I write about over here. I appreciate you all!

Also I would like to do some same, so please if I don't have your blog address let me know so I can also follow your journey.

So going back to the 30 Day Challenge list I posted yesterday. This is Day 3

I don't believe in "thinspiration" because I don't want to be thin --- I want to be healthy and gravitate more on having toned muscles.

Let me list the specifics. Healthy as in good numbers ie. blood pressure, cholesterol levels, triglycerides... Geez the last time I got my cholesterol checked it was 190. I think it's still hella-high. My blood pressure has significantly improved since I finished school.. haha probably attributed to a lot less stress.

But anyway, here is my "fitspiration"

I guess most can say that the epitome of fitness is having a flat stomach... six pack.. whatever. But I love a good toned legs.  Hopefully with more zumba I'll tone my legs in to time!

So there it is folks. I hope everyone is enjoying their week!

It's always a weightloss challenge

I came across this picture and I thought it's rather interesting because it provides you daily reflections that relates to one's weightloss.

I think is helpful because losing weight is really never about the actual loss of fat in our bodies but rather a gain of self-awareness.

Of what you want

Of where you want to go

Of how you are going to get there.


I pretty much cover the question for Day one...but let's review:
CW: 170 lbs
GW: 140 lbs
time frame:  16 weeks
Height: 5'2

Hmm.. do I like my height. Honestly it'll be nice if I was a slight taller but hey that's just how the genes roll so who am I to bitch about it.

So today, I'm on track in the food department. And later on today I'm off to zumba.

Been applying to several places -- wow what a pain. It surprises me how there's all this talk to nurse shortages but most do not hire new grads.

Does that make sense to you?

What happen to beggars cannot be choosers? I'm a little frustrated that it makes me want to eat a nice fatty cheeseburger and call it quits.

But hey.. I've gone this far --- do you honestly think a thing like that would discourage me.

Reconstruction --- First Day

First Day of well.. post nursing school and NCLEX. I think eventually it will sink in when I'm working ---- soon I hope.

Right now I'm just revamping my resumes and scoping the job terrain that looks pretty fierce. The downside of it all is having very little experience and most hospitals are all over one year clinical experience minimum.

The goals for this week is..... *drumroll*

• consistent exercise
• cut down the carbs and processed food to 2 days a week
• drink more water

I know it sounds pretty familiar because I've said that before. This time there's no more excuse or crutch to lean on.

My ultimate goal is by November-December to lose about 30 lbs.

Current/Goal Stats:
SW:  170 lbs
GW: 140 lbs
Time Frame: 16 weeks
Weekly Goal: 1-2 lbs loss

Fitness Plan:

• 1-2 hours cardio session (Zumba/Kickboxing/Run) - 5 days/week
• 30-45 minutues strength training/circuit - 3 days/week

Nutrition Plan:

• Carbohydrate/Processed Food Reduction (limit to 2-3 days a week)
• Hydration 2-3 L/day of water
• green tea/black tea for appetite control
• Sweet/dessert reduction limit to 2-3 days a week

The Verdict

 

I Freaking Passed!!!

Last night This morning at 3AM my hubby woke me. I patiently asked him if he knows what time it is and it's nowhere near the hour we're suppose to get up usually.

He "enthusiastically" kissed me saying that my license was just posted on the Board of Registered Nursing website!!!

Apparently this wonderful man of mine has been checking since 2 AM to see if the site updated. He was probably just as anxious as I was haha :)

Ahh... I can breathe now.

I honestly say it hasn't sunk yet haha.

I am so humbled. Thank you God for always looking out for me.

The AfterMath of NCLEX

Pre-game or Last Supper -- I guess it all depends on how you look at it

The battle with the NCLEX dragon commenced yesterday 0800 sharp.

Ego bruised and tattered to bits I came out of it after 6 hours when the screen went blank at 210 questions.

They weren't kidding about the NCLEX.

So nursing students -- don't be cocky. Study. Study till your eyes pop out. You never know what kind of questions you get or whether the NCLEX gods will smile upon you and give you the easy peasy question. Actually don't wish to get the easy peasy question because that means you're failing.

Mine started off actually--- doable. The questions were analytical but it wasn't so easy that I can just automatically know the answer -- I still have to think about it.

 After question 25 that's when I got pounded by the hammer of "select all that apply", priority questions, hot spots, and "sequential orders". I got one freaking math question! which was disappointing cuz those were easy. I had like 2 psychsocial questions which are also easy.

I honestly felt like the "computer" was punching in all directions aiming for a knockout. After the "75 question cut off" I wasn't sure if I should rejoice or cry because it means that I'm not in the passing line and required more questions. People that cut off at 75 either successful pass or successfully failed lol

So I took a piss, scarfed down one Danish (from the free continental breakfast at the hotel I stayed in overnight), sipped water and dove back in.

At 100 questions I started to panic -- thinking oh god I'm totally failing! But I guess it really depends of how you look at it because one may say it's still positive because the computer is still giving you questions -- there is still a chance. I took another break and ate the second Danish I smuggled from the hotel.

Question 180 is when the tension headache kicked in. I couldn't concentrate and I started getting the shakes! My brain was dried and needing to eat more than just a measly 2 cheese danishes. Unfortunately I don't have any other snacks left. I was pushing my body and my brain to cooperate and march on.

I had moments where I felt the urge to run and scream out of the room haha. I'm laughing now but it was super real at that moment. It was kind of like that flight or flight response you get when you need to get on stage but you're sh*t-faced nervous to do it.

I found myself praying for strength during the test. I honestly was starting to feel claustrophobic.  I wanted to just give up for the sake of just getting out of there.

But I mentally shook my head and reminded myself the very core reason why I am doing this and what I was striving for. There is no option to give up.

So by Question 205 I was praying for absolution. At this point the questions were becoming a blurr and they starting to look Greek to me. I honestly have no clue what was being ask anymore and was guessing. By this time my mind was screaming --- Kill me already. Then by question 210 the screen went blank and I was done.

I wobbled out of the test area.. took another piss. I took the elevator and waited for T to pick me up. I turned on my phone and found messages from my family and friends wishing me luck and that's when the tears came running down. I felt like I FAILED my whole family and everyone that was counting on me because there's no way in hell I would have passed with the way things were going down.

Test result comes in 48 hours. Till then I'm holding my breath.

To be continued....

My Boring Blog

I really have to apologize for those who still read my blog (if there is anyone out there) because honestly it has been neglected and looking pathetic these days.

I finally got my NCLEX date so all I've been doing is really studying for it. I hope my hard work will pay off when I take the exam (praying and studying)

Honestly my eating has gone a bit out of hand these days and frankly because I really haven't cared much about I put in my mouth. Although I exercise almost everyday sometimes twice a day, my food choices has been lacking.

My weight has been maintained to a sad 170 lbs. which is good considering how much chocolate I've been eating since.

I will try to do better and do my best and really get into this. I hate being the way I am.

There is no nursing school to use as an excuse!

Omurice

Made some Japanese Omurice for lunch! It's sooo yummy! haha I think I've been watching way too much anime lately!

Been going to the gym and somewhat eating right :) People have been telling me that I looked like I've lost a couple of pounds.. but honestly I don't see it haha I think being "tanned" make me look skinny! haha

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Yea yea.. I'm a liar

I did say I was going to update more but I was on vacation 2 weeks ago haha ;)

I'm finally back from Hawaii and I can't say I wanted to be back. I didn't want to leave!  Still waiting to schedule my NCLEX I'm hopeful by this week.

I don't think I'll be eating any spam or rice anytime soon in the future cuz that's all I ate in Hawaii lol. It's all good though

 I'm on vacation damnit!

here are some photos from out trip

Luau at Paradise Cove -- honestly the show was good but the food was horrible :(

 

prized loco-moco

I swear Hawaii has the best farmer's market I have ever seen I love it!

waka-waka

Ahhh... it feels good to just do things without a schedule ---- for once! :)  So 2 weeks post-grad I've been taking some NCLEX workshop that cost me an arm and a leg (so I better go to them) last week. That was over and now I'm just enjoying the summer and recuperate!

After our Hawaiian vacation, I plan to hit the books again and study for my boards.

Workout -- I've been consistently going to gym everyday for an hour and it feels good to just sweating it all out

Food wise -- I also been doing good. I haven't succumbed to any sweets since the beginning of the month so I'm pretty stoked about that as well

My beginning weight was a whooping 176 lbs  and now I'm 170lbs. Most likely water-weight since I lost it all within 2 weeks of hopping back in the weightloss wagon.

This coming week's goal is :

• intensify my workouts by increasing incline and resistance
• increase veggie/fruit ratio
• drink more water

Next Order of Business ---- NCLEX

Ahhh it's finally official! --- Look out world! Nurse Gertie is in the house!!!

It really does feel good --- no it's freaking spectacular to be done. But this is all just the beginning. I'm ready to proceed to next chapter of this journey and pass the NCLEX, get my license and finally practice :)

I'm also looking forward into getting healthy and losing all these post-school weight (haha kinda late post-baby weight)

I'll be updating more and focus a bit on losing weight and recuperating from this 2 year program

If I were to give advise to all the nursing student out there... it would be.

• One, believe in yourself. Sometimes its so easy to doubt your own capabilities, you really know more than you think.
• Two, never change your answer, the first answer is almost always the right one -- stop overthinking it and only answer that is being ask. If you must change the answer, it has to be 100% certainty -- not because it sounded good.
• Three, pray or meditate.. whatever works to focus your energy and your mind to a positive place in times of stress (like before an exam or waiting for the result of your exam)