Feeling Good

How do you celebrate new beginnings? Do you even celebrate at all? Do you just go along with the day with a sort of nonchalance or do you meet it with head on with a purpose. I started off with sort of figuring out the plan. I had made countless plans in my lifetime. Some I choose to follow and others well fell off the face of the planet. 

I thought to start with what kind of healthy foods I will stick with and actually follow. I made list of vegetables, fruit, protein and fats. I had done lazy keto and intermittent fasting before and it worked pretty well with exercise. So I think I am going to do that. 

Hubby and I are working on baby # 2 and had been ttc (trying to conceive) for a year now. Yep geriatric ... errr.. advance maternal pregnancy. My cut off age is 40 and I have 5 more cycles. 

Actually this last cycle I got pregnant. I was beyond excited since this is the first positive we've had for trying a year. But I end up having a chemical pregnancy and I know why. Because I am fat.

I am not going to be obsessive about it. I am just going to work on losing the lbs. and go from there.  My work schedule is a lot easier since I am working days now. 

Cheers to goals. 

Jogging back to memory lane

... nothing really changed since the last post I wrote on here. I am still in the 180 lbs... miserable and struggling physically. I am turning 40 this year and I honestly don't know what else I would do but really start small and put an effort in getting back on track. 

I don't remember when I decided to give up on myself. The moment when I made the decision to stop caring and just get by.

Yikes. Pretty pathetic. 

I stumbled upon this old blog in serendipity. Maybe it was my old self calling out to me in her last attempt. 

I am just so sick of being fat. High blood pressure. High cholesterol. Prediabetic. Low energy. Hating myself every time I look in the mirror if I even look at the mirror.

I haven't really. I avoid it because I know who will be staring at me. The person I really have no interest to be. 

There were many times I tried to get back in the saddle. Something happens then I give up. I get tempted with things I want to eat at that moment. And give up.

How can someone want it and not do the work at the same time? I am in denial